Monday, June 17, 2013


Tenth Avenue North - Worn Lyrics Artist: Tenth Avenue North Album: The Struggle I’m Tired I’m worn My heart is heavy From the work it takes to keep on breathing I’ve made mistakes I’ve let my hope fail My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world And I know that you can give me rest So I cry out with all that I have left Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life And all that’s dead inside can be reborn Cause I’m worn I know I need to lift my eyes up But im too weak Life just won’t let up And I know that you can give me rest So I cry out with all that I have left Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life And all that’s dead inside can be reborn Cause I’m worn My prayers are wearing thin And I’m worn Even before the day begins I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight I’m worn Heaven come and flood my eyes Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life And all that’s dead inside can be reborn Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn Though I’m worn Yeah I’m worn Strong words...powerful lyrics. For a long time, I have been struggling. I am worn out. Life, parenting, marriage, all wears on us to some degree. Some more than others. Some seasons are harder than others. My struggle is feeling like I've been in this season for a VERY long time. Parts of what I have been through have been short, some have drug on for years. Some are personal, some are struggling as a family. I will not go into detail...this is not the place and now is not the time. My story is not done. Maybe...someday...this will be a powerful part of our testimony. Maybe...someday...God will use this experience to bring someone else to Him. I never imagined life like this. I look at others and envy what they have in their lives. Not material things, but relationships, friends, a view of life that I feel like I've lost. I have always turned to music and others' lyrics to help me understand and deal. Now is no different. Lord, help me to understand your will for this family and for me. Guide my thoughts back to you.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Struggles of a Working Mom

There is a constant debate among moms about who works harder, SAHMs or working moms. I won't even talk about the pressures that society and media place on moms on either side...or the pressure we place on ourselves. I posted a few thoughts a couple of years ago about the ugly, yet very real, struggles of being a stay-at-home mom. As rewarding as it is, there are some things that many moms do not talk about or sometimes don't even deal with. Now, I am on the other side. I have been working full-time, out of the house, for 2 1/2 years now. In that time, we have added to our family, moved houses, and my job moved cities. I honestly think it takes at least one year to adjust to something major like a career change. The kids have to get used to it, your spouse has to get used to it, and you, as a mom, have to figure out how to make it all work together. After 2 1/2 years, I still struggle. I am tired...actually, exhausted is a better description...all the time. I still carry the majority of the household chores (and cooking and shopping) even though I am working out of the house. My day usually starts with my alarm going off at 5:00 and doesn't end until about 10:30. I don't think this is anything that is exclusive to working moms, but I don't remember being this tired when I was at home full-time. I feel like I have a lot to do and never really get anything done. Once again, not exclusive to working moms. Also one of the reasons I am so tired! :) I also have a job where I am juggling several things and feel like nothing ever really gets done. Maybe this is just me or is this a struggle for all moms? I have a couple more, at least, to talk about in another post. What I would like to know, though, it what do you struggle with? Are you a SAHM or a working mom? Do you stay at home part time and work part time? I've done that one, too. I'm not looking for a debate. I would like every mom and dad out there to know that we are all in this together and we are all raising our kids to the best of our ability. It takes all kinds! Until next time.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter!

Woo! Two days in a row! Happy Easter! Every year, on this day, I really take the time to let it soak in what Jesus did for me...for everyone who ever has or ever will walk this earth. Wow. Have you ever really taken the time to really let it sink in? Think about it. This man, who was fully God and fully man, was beaten, spit on, driven to the point of unimaginable exhaustion, then made to drag a tree (yes, the cross was the size of a tree) up a mountain so he could be killed on it. Why? Because He loves us. Because He was God's plan. And you know what? This was not the end. He was buried. He laid there for three days. He was really stinky, rotting dead. And then, on the third day, He just got up. He was alive, walking, really alive! This is what makes this day so amazingly different. This is the one of the three things that my faith is based on. One of the things that I believe without a shadow of a doubt. Do I know how? no. It is not for me to know why. We are not supposed to know everything...that's why it's called faith! I don't know where you are or what you believe, but know that you are loved. By me and by God. I may not agree with what you believe or how you choose to live your life, but you are loved. If you ever want to know more about me or about Christ, just ask. I am more than happy to share my story and continuing struggles.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Hi, there!

Okay. So, once again, it has been over a year since I last posted anything. Life is busy and, let's face it, blogs aren't really all that popular anymore, unless you have a certain target audience. But, I realized that I really like writing, I have an actual computer again, and this is the only way I really document our life. So...I shall try to update more often this year (of course, it's nearly April) and see if I can make a go at it! First, a kid update. We have four. They are now 8, 6, 3 1/2 and 16 months. We are busy. And it's not even "out of the house" stuff that keeps us busy. It's just the craziness and chaos of 4 kids! Kyler is in second grade, was just tested for intellectual giftedness, and is turning into a pretty awesome big brother. He's helpful and kind (most of the time) to his sisters and is growing up way too fast for this momma's heart. We have entered the phase of slowly having to let him be more independent and make mistakes. Wow, that's hard. Aaliyah is in Kindergarten and LOVES it! She is still quite a diva princess and that is very hard for me. I'm all about comfort and low-key and she's all about high-maintenance and glitter. She did her first pageant earlier this month and did very well for her first time out. This is not going to be a common thing and she will always compete naturally (as opposed to glitz), but she really enjoyed it and would like to do another one sometime. Juliana is...well...Juliana. She is crazy and wild and three! She has a huge personality and huge hair. :) She loves with everything she has and I love that about her. She is also very big. She is officially "off the charts" in height and only about 7-8 lbs lighter than Aaliyah. Alana is so sweet and cuddly. She is still not talking, but starting to try and repeat words and sign. She is also not walking, but getting there in her own time. I've never been one to really worry about when my kids start doing things, but, given the circumstances of her birth, I am keeping a closer eye on things. Everyone I talk to says she's just the 4th so the others are doing everything for her. Second, job update. I am working full time with Vanderbilt Women's Health, still. I have been there 2 1/2 years now in the Access Center. I got a bit of a promotion when I returned from my maternity leave last year and that added responsibility is kinda nice...sometimes. As with anything, with more responsibility comes higher expectations and I judge myself quite harshly sometimes. Everyone there thinks I'm doing a good job, though, so I guess I'm doing something right. Ray is working from home and still doing photography. He has finally found his niche and it's not families! He is an amazing artist and I am so impressed with what he is able to do with that camera. I guess that's all for now. If there is anything you all would like me to write about, feel free to let me know.