Monday, August 27, 2007

His subtle ways

My husband tries. Bless his heart I really think he does. I have been wondering where my husband went these last few weeks because we were really starting to make some serious headway in improving our marriage and then the job thing. All of a sudden he went back to shutting down and not talking. He didn’t even really touch me (and I mean this literally) for days. Today, I gave him several hints about a marriage enrichment thing our church is having in Sept. He always says that we don’t need these things and I always drop it because I don’t want to start an argument. Peacemaker. This afternoon he handed me some stuff from church and in it was a ticket to this event. Granted, it was for the wrong night, but he did it. He actually got the hint and followed through. I really think he is a romantic at heart, but thinks he has this tough guy image to maintain. I love this man. Now, maybe I can get him to hold my hand sometime in the next month! ;)

God is great

I am amazed. God is so awesome and does provide for our needs when they are truly needs. Sometimes we think we know what our needs are and wonder why he hasn’t provided for them, but He has the ultimate understanding. I have a bad habit of getting in the habit of church. I can talk the talk (part of growing up in it, I guess) and really do have an awesome worship experience through music almost every Sunday. Unfortunately, that is where is ends a lot of the time. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life with two kids, I never have a quiet time with God. My daily prayer consists of thinking thoughts to God but never voicing them out loud and I very rarely share my faith (mainly because the people that I talk to on a consistent basis are all Christians). I am NOT a model Christian. Not even close.
Over the last few weeks we have been through a lot. Somehow God decided that our family needed to be blessed even in our severe shortcomings. I will not go into details, but needless to say, I have been touched. God has proven that he does hear my thoughts throughout the day and answers those “prayers.” I will try to rely on Him more and more, but for a control freak like me, that’s very hard!

Friday, August 17, 2007

When it rains, it pours!

Still no good air conditioning. We think it is the freon, but our landlord says he can't afford to have someone come out and look at it. That right there ticks me off. So we're late on our rent, but that isn't endangering the health of anyone. Bad air conditioning is not good for any of us in this 100 plus degree heat, especially the two kids! I'm also discovering that when both my husband and I get overheated, we turn into very angry people. Lots of yelling has been going on in our house lately.
The air has been just the tip of the iceberg lately. So far this month: I officially resigned as a teacher the middle of July, my husband's company went under, he lost three deals he was working on and the money that went with, our air went out, and on Wednesday our car died. Oh, yeah, and my husband turns 30 tomorrow. He thinks that it's the end of the world. We have had a really rough month and are just about worn out. The good news is that R starts a new job with Fifth Third Bank on Monday as a loan officer. Working at a bank will be much more stable and hopefully less stressful. We'll see.
Here's my question to you. When a man is extremely stressed out and takes it out on everyone else, how do you deal? Do you just bite your tongue and ride it out knowing that it will pass? Do you force him to talk about it? I'm really struggling with this. I want him to know that we love him and we don't blame him for what has happened this last month, but I am tired of taking the brunt of his anger at himself. So far, my plan has been to bite my tongue, make him comfortable, and hope this passes, quickly. Any advice??

Friday, August 10, 2007

Mini Vacation

Okay, so the hottest week in 19 years and we are having air conditioner problems! I survived last week and Monday and Tuesday this week, but then Wednesday and the highest temperature all year was predicited. R, who is currently without employment (I'll blog about that later), decided that we needed to get out of the house. Duh. We decided to go to the mall and watch a movie and then walk around until the hottest part of the day was passed. Well, when we got home at 6:00 pm, it was almost 90 degrees in our house!!! Okay, eat dinner, clean up the dog's mess downstairs (we put him there because it was cooler but he wasn't in his crate), pack a bag, get out. So that's what we did. We left and went to R's parent's house and spent the night and all day Thursday. We called the landlord before we left the house on Wed. and he said he would call his guy. Thursday afternoon rolls around and we haven't heard anything from our landlord. R calls and they can't come out until Friday around 11:00 am. Okay, run home get more clothes, more diapers, more dog food, Pampered Chef stuff (so I can get some work done, maybe), and drop off dirty clothes. I still haven't heard anything about our air and it's Friday afternoon. Maybe they called R. Maybe we'll be spending another night away from home. Maybe I will lose my mind.
Really, it's not so bad. My mother-in-law is off this week and has been around to help with the kids while R is in and out on job interviews. It's kind of like we are on a short family vacation visiting the family. If we have to spend another night away from home, I may suggest that we stay with my parents tonight. Just for a change of pace and so I don't feel like we've completely worn out our welcome with my in-laws. I'm sure my folks would like having the kids around a little. They don't get to see them near as much. I'll be posting more about the job thing when the dust has settled and there is a new job for sure.
Stay cool!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

I am losing my mind

I have been at home with two kids now for 5 months. The first couple of months were just adjusting time and then the summer came and I just treated it like any other summer. Now, teachers are going back to school and I am not. I don’t quite know what to think. I’ve been home so long now that it really doesn’t feel weird except that I can’t call some of the people during the day that I usually do. My problem is that I don’t know what to do now. I don’t have a car during the day and usually not at night either because my husband works late. My son thrives on social interaction and has been deprived of that since A came along. We just couldn’t continue to keep him in daycare. We can’t afford a Mother’s Day Out program this fall so we are all just stuck in the house all week. It’s too hot to take him outside and I have nowhere to put A if she’s awake and K wants to play with me. Does anyone have any advice to a new stay-at-home mom who is literally staying at home? K is driving me nuts because he doesn’t have anyone to play with besides me and the dog. Also, is it normal for a 2 ½ year old to ignore what you tell him and talk back? Maybe it is just because I’m frustrated. K comes by his love for being around people honestly. I want to be around people during the day, too. I don’t care if it’s just Wal-mart and I don’t know a single person there. At least there are other people around. I feel so isolated sometimes. So, if you are reading this and have some ideas to keep him occupied besides with the TV, help!!!

This heat is ridiculous

I can’t believe how hot it is! I just saw on the news that the heat index near where I live is 106!!!!! That’s bad enough, but here’s the real kicker…our house is not very efficient. By 4:00 yesterday afternoon it was about 81 degrees in the house and the air is set on 72. It’s pointless to turn it any lower because it is running all day as it is. I really don’t want to see the next electric bill. We are going to have to just leave the house the next few days until it gets cooler. I feel so sorry for the kids who have no choice but to be out in this right now. There are always student athletes who get sick and even die in weather like this because they don’t stay hydrated and cool. My mind wanders to band camp. This was the week we always had our week long camp. Our practice field was blacktop and we were out there for hours. The hottest part of the day was always spent inside working on music, but the drum line and the color guard had to be outside to continue practicing. Please be careful in this heat and continue to drink lots and lots of fluids (non-caffeinated).

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

High School Memories

I was reading one of my friend’s blogs and she had these questions that she had answered. I thought it would be a good post (teachers steal everything!) especially since my 10 year reunion is at the end of the month.
1. Who was your best friend?
Honestly, looking back, I don’t think I really had a “best” friend. I had several girls that I talked to and hung out with, but haven’t kept in touch with any of them since. I also tended to change friends every year (I know, that is sooooo middle school).
2. Did you play any sports?
No, not the athletic type
3. What kind of car did you drive?
My parent’s Altima until my senior year when they bought me a 1989 Nissan Stanza
4. It’s Friday night. Where were you?
At the football game. We played through the first weekend of December except for my senior year and I was at almost every game.
5. Were you a party animal?
6. Were you considered a flirt?
Pretty sure I was not
7. Were you in the band, orchestra, or choir?
Band (hence the answer to #4) and choir
8. Were you a nerd?
I don’t think so, but other people tell me otherwise
9. Were you ever suspended or expelled?
10. Can you sing the fight song?
Yes (I guess that makes me a nerd now, huh?)
11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Bryan my choir director (okay, I’m a nerd). He inspired me to become a choir director myself and was just an all around great teacher. He was hard on us, but we always knew he cared.
12. What was your school mascot?
The Warrior
13. Did you go to the prom?
Yes, three times
14. If you could go back, would you?
No, definitely not.
15. What do you remember most about graduation?
Being jealous of all the party types who were going out late and celebrating. Wishing I was one of those types of people with those types of parents.
16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day?
We didn’t have an official Senior Skip Day but the day of prom was usually designated. I spent it getting my hair and nails done.
17. Did you have a job your senior year?
No, I was in band, we didn’t have time to work
18. Where did you go most often for lunch?
The band room. We weren’t allowed to leave campus, but all us band nerd types ate in the bandroom since band was right before lunch.
19. Have you gained weight since then?
Yes, about 45 pounds.
20. What did you do after graduation?
Got a summer job, went to band camp and started college. Oh, yeah, I did get to go to Gulf Shores with my boyfriend, his parents, brother, brother’s friend, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin. What a senior trip!
21. What year did you graduate?
22. Who was your Senior Prom date?
My boyfriend, Nathan Harding
23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion?
I am going to the family party. I don’t think I’ll get to go to the fancy part although I’d love to introduce my husband to everyone without kids to worry about.
24. What is your biggest regret in high school?
Not having enough confidence in myself. I was a pushover and adapted to whatever people wanted me to be whether good or bad. I didn’t know who I was in Christ and I think that would have made a huge difference in my experiences in high school.

Hope you enjoyed my walk down memory lane. Now, take your own trip and let me know where it takes you!

Saturday, August 4, 2007

what a week

This week has had me on an emotional rollercoaster. I won't go into detail, but sufice it to say I am drained. I have learned some amazing things about my husband through this week.
#1 - he loves his job; when that is threatened he gets very upset. He really enjoys helping people get homes and being in sales in general. He is also great at what he does. His big thing this week was making sure that all his clients were taken care of, whether he got paid or not. I am so proud.
#2 - he loves his family. Okay, so that's a given. Sometimes, though, I forget to stop and think about that. We get caught up in the daily grind of having two kids and all the financial junk that goes with me being at home now and him working long hours and we forget. I realized that there are so many things he could do for himself when he comes home in the evening, but instead he just wants to eat supper and play with his kids. I really think he enjoys leaving so he can come home to K hiding and A just lighting up when she sees him.
#3 - he loves me. Okay, another given. But don't we all forget that sometimes? Through all his stress this week I was able to step up and be the wife God made me to be. I put aside my selfish wants (although they were screaming in my head) and focused on making him comfortable to be at home. I was understanding, I hope, and even when he snapped at me (out of stress), I just calmly reminded him that it should not be taken out on me (I'm usually a yeller). I'm learning that when I fulfill God's purpose for me as a wife, there are benefits. He was able to still show love to me this week because I was supportive of him.
God is so good. Maybe this next week will be better and less chaotic.