Monday, October 6, 2008


Sorry I haven't posted more regularly. I will try to do better in the coming weeks.

I called Grandma on Thursday and she was very tired. At least she was able to respond a little when she wasn't falling asleep on the phone. I got to tell her I loved her and she said she loved me. I didn't know that would be the last time I would talk to her. Grandma passed away on Sat. evening. She was asleep...there was very little suffering...nearly everyone was there. Mom and Dad were going for another reason, but were there. She held on until they got there.
I was very upset that I did not get to see her. I was waiting for her to be more awake to tell her some things. It never happened. I wish my children could have had the memories with their Great-Grandma that I had with my Great-Grandma. She was supposed to live longer...she never got sick...why did it have to happen like this?
I hear people say "don't question God" when dealing with sudden death and trials (not that this was that sudden, but you know what I'm saying). Who says you can't question God?? I question Him all the time. Does that diminish my faith in His plan? NO! Does that mean I don't love God? NO!! Questioning and wanting to know why are part of being human. It doesn't mean that we don't trust Him or love Him or that we stop believing...this is how He designed ask why...that is how He reveals His plan a lot of the time. We ask "why" and He says "because I need you to go through this so that you can minister to someone you can show who I AM in your weakness."
I have no doubt that Grandma is rejoicing and praising God...right alongside her parents and her sister. She is not in pain...her 6 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren will know who she was. We will tell stories, attempt the recipes that she never wrote down, and tell them how much she loved them. She showed God's love even when it went against everything she was raised to believe. She allowed her heart to be changed to accept my husband and children, and for that I will always be grateful. My husband and children were allowed to know her and love her because she allowed God to change her heart. Thank you, God, for my grandmother. She will be missed, but we will see her again.

Keep our family in your prayers. Viewing is Tuesday night, funeral Wednesday afternoon in Oklahoma.


Mandi said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Diana said...

wow what sweet photos. I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad to know I'm not the only ones that have questions.

If it helps, knowing it would be "the last time" might have made it harder on you than just feeling "Oh, well next time I will say..."
Praying for you as you go through this process.


Mandi said...

You have been tagged, go to my blog and see details. Hope all is well I have not seen you at walmart latly.