It is almost 1:00 pm and the kids are asleep. I am struggling. I'm not hungry, but I want to eat. I long to have a taste of anything in my mouth (besides water). Then it hit me...this is why we fast...that longing for food...that should be our longing for God. Why is this so hard for me? Why can't I just say "okay God...you are what I need" and then *poof* the longing is there? I want to have the walk that so many of my friends have...they are such strong people...so loving...so focused on God...so eager to learn more about him and share him with others. I don't have that...I'm so used to just playing the part.
My husband and I have had this talk about raising our kids in the church. Well, of course we will. What about when they don't want to go? Do we make them? Do we let them make their own choice? Often times I think that those who find God later in life hunger for Him more because they remember vividly what life was like before. They lived part of their adult life without Him and know what a difference He made in their life. Me?...I grew up in the church...became a Christian when I was 9...do you really know at 9 years old what life is like with out God? I mean really...how much does a white, middle-class 9 year old have to deal with? I'm not blaming my parents. I'm glad they had us in church all our lives. It probably saved me from a lot more heartache than I had growing up. I just wonder if I've gotten so good at adapting that I've lost (or never had) that deep, aching, hunger for God to take over my life.