Sunday, July 8, 2007

from June 28, 2007

4 year wedding anniversary

Well, Ray and I have now been married for 4 years. Can you belive it? I still remember my mom saying on our wedding day, "Two first-born control freaks. This will be fun!!" Boy has it been a roller coaster. In only four years, I feel like we've been through so much. We've had two children, moved into our first house (though we hopefully will be moving out in Oct.), I started teaching, Ray's been through at least three (maybe four) company changes, we got a dog, and have suffered through all the financial problems and arguements that all newly married couples go through. At times, I wondered if we would make it through. I never thought we'd split, but when they say marriage is work, they really mean it. Fortunately we've been able to cling to our faith and our church through it all and God has placed great, inspirational friends along our way to lift us up when we needed it and put us in our place when we needed that! As I sat and thought about the significance of this day I tried to remember how we felt about each other on our wedding day 4 years ago. I still remember walking down the aisle although I can't remember looking at his face (I was trying not to ugly cry). I remember hearing one of my best friends return the favor and sing "The Lord's Prayer" for me like I had done for her 2 years before. I remember dancing with my father and not looking into his eyes on purpose so that neither one of us would lose it. I even remember little details like the woman standing in the doorway of Kroger as we walked in for a couple of last minute things. She said that we just looked so happy together and I got to tell her that we'd only been married a couple of hours. I remember what the hotel lobby looked like and how I felt when we took off to fly to our honeymoon. But most of all, I remember what it felt like to be a wife, finally. For those who knew me before Ray, you know what I'm talking about.
The hardest thing for me on this anniversary, though, was to remember what our life was like before kids. I have come to realize in the last year that, no matter how much I love my children, we had them too early. Now, don't get me wrong, my children are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to my husband and I, but we only had nine months together before we found out I was pregnant. I feel like we missed out on a great opportunity to really get to know one another and grow as a couple. Now, we are still trying to figure out one another and raise children at the same time. That is hard. I have also come to realize just in the last 6 months, that I have completely lost myself. I love to perform, but can't. I loved riding my bicycle long distances and seeing the countryside, but now I can't. I enjoyed being able to spend an entire Saturday in the bed with my husband watching TV and just being lazy, but now we can't. We love our children, but really miss each other.
My advice to those who are newly married, engaged, or married without children is this.........don't be in a rush. Children are a wonderful gift from God and he will give them to you in time. Enjoy all the little things you do for each other. Don't sweat the small arguements and blow them up. There will be plenty to argue about later on down the road.
I love my husband. I love my children. I'm still adjusting to my life:) Here's to the next year!

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