Friday, November 9, 2007

Ups and downs

Being a parent is hard. It's one of those things that you look back and say, if I knew then what I know now, then I would have waited longer/not had kids/had fewer/put more years between (choose your answer). When people say it's hard, you say "I know" but then you have one of those days when you understand exactly what they were talking about. You are always living for someone else, you never have time to think, any extra money that you think you have needs to be used to buy clothes, diapers, wipes or shoes, and, if you're not careful, you completely lose sight of why you had children in the first place.
Yesterday was a great day. I had several of those "this is why I have kids" moments and it felt great. I was able to get things done, play with my kids, and still get a few moments to myself. I made dinner, was nice to my husband, and just had an all around good day. NOT one of those days. Sometimes you just have days when you wonder if you can do it. To be completely honest, on days like these I wonder, seriously wonder, if I did the right thing by having kids. Some people reading this are going to say that children are a blessing and I should be thankful that I was able to have kids. Yes, I know that. Some are going to say that I need help because I don't like my kids. Yes, probably. And some are going to say that they know exactly how I feel. At least I hope someone does.
I truly believe there is a difference between love and like. Do I love my children? Yes, very much. I can sit and vividly remember the day I found out I was pregnant, the day I found out what we were having, and the day I gave birth to each of them. Do I like my children? Sometimes, no. They whine, complain, stay attached to me all day, pull on my pants, invade my space, change their minds constantly and just generally get on my nerves. Sometimes I just can't take it. That, my friends, is why I will be taking a trip to Wal-mart later today...ALONE!

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